Of course, people that know, know. It’s a site where methods of suicide are recorded and where you can find company to commit suicide together with.
I was one of those lost such a website.
Not because I wanted to kill myself.
Rather I was tempted by death itself.
I simply despaired of this world.
I received simple bullying.
It wasn’t something so straightforward. It was the malicious type of ignoring.
In class, at lunch, even on my way home, I was alone.
Because they had already used violence against me directly in elementary school this was any better?
I’m learning kendo and aikido now. I didn’t like being bullied so I started during elementary school. I became considerably strong, therefore the guys that used to beat me up left me alone.
They were a miserable bunch.
Even if they were compensating with violence, because they can’t win they simply ignore me.
Well, I despised them too, so there was no way we could get along.
Their attitude is similar to how my father is at home.
He used to get violent with me after my mother died, but now he’s frightened that I might retaliate and doesn’t talk to me anymore.
After all, that’s how this world works.
It doesn’t matter how much you change your attitude or reputation, in the end power is absolute.
If they’re no match for you, they won’t face you directly.
Having said that, even if you have power, you can’t take the top of this world.
I think this world is rotten to the core.
If I think about it, I don’t have any attachment to this world.
I don’t have any family to rely on, a lover, or even friends.
Apart from that, I have no other regrets.
My grades aren’t particularly good.
Because of the abuse that I received from my father, entering university is impossible.
And I’m poor.
By the way, the priest of a Buddhist temple is teaching children aikido and kendo. But I knew.
The priest just wanted to grope the girls of his liking.
It’s those kind of things that show how rotten this world is.
If I were to have one regret, it would be “that”.
Honestly, I wanted to graduate from my virginity.
It’s sad to die without ever having had this experience.
It’s just the kind of thing a high school boy thinks about.
Also, committing suicide is actually pretty scary after all.
I hate pain and scary things.
If a person is determined to die, they can do anything.
I was considerably devoted to kendo and aikido.
I’m considerably powerful, if I do say so myself.
I think I’d be lying if I had said that I the felt that the situation would improve in some way.
While looking around the site trying to determine wither I had the determination to kill myself or not, “Before you decide to commit suicide” flashed before my eyes.
Yeah. This, that’s right.
For a healthy boy, a still-sophomore-in-high-school, suicide wasn’t recommended.
I wanted something like this.
I’m still too afraid to die.
For now, I clicked on the advertisement.
I who had moved to the page, murmured.
The contents read:
If this world is too difficult to live, then live in another.
An appropriate world for you to choose from, thus, there are several selections that can be made.
A world where science and technology are developed, a world dominated by pirates, a medieval world, a world of swords and magic…
You’re saying there’s a world with magic?
I picked that and advanced to a human only world, a human, elf, and dwarf world, a human and demi-human world along with a myriad of other choices.
This is probably the start of a net game.
Well it was an advertisement link after all.
I don’t understand why the advertisement targets candidates for suicide, but I didn’t think about that and moved on.
It might be fine as just a net game.
At the very least, it’s much more healthy that thinking about suicide.
Unexpectedly, because so many think that, that they may just click on the advertisement.
I only played net games a few times since I started high school.
Since I didn’t have any friends I only played solo.
So that’s why. I didn’t fit in, so I quit trying to play those games.
Even still, it was pretty fun.
I didn’t especially dislike it at all.
Moving to the next page, they made me choose from several cultures and countries.
It would be more fun if various things happened?
If I got tired there were always other countries to go to.
The next page was, frequency of war.
A world where countries fought aggressively or a friendly world.
In net games, when you joined a guild there were guild wars.
But that has nothing to do with a solo player like me.
I chose from the 4 worlds, the one that was most inclined toward friendliness.
After that, a dungeon type or field type?
It’s pretty hard to choose between the two.
We’ll have both.
It was puzzling that you only got to choose a male in uniform and didn’t get to customize your outfit, lastly, there was something that you would be recommended, I think.
But, there certainly were a lot of choices.
They even made you choose the language used.
There isn’t even any Japanese option
What is Brahim?
I just left it as default because I didn’t understand what it meant.
After becoming bored with so many choices, and then there was a page with bonus points.
It looks more like a game.
I clicked sever times, the numerical values changed.
I’m pretty particular when it comes to this kind of stuff.
I keep at it until I’m satisfied with my numbers.
Aikido is something I love, having a style that was something I was absorbed into.
Repeating the same style over many time. That, in a way, was fun.
The bonus points were basically considerably low it seems.
Many were between 10-20, as well as a lot of single digit ones too.
What was the highest number?
Was that high? Maybe it can go higher, it was a questionable number.
I repeated it again.
There were some times 40’s and an occasional 50.
I aimed to get an even higher number.
The numerical number turned green.
Is that a passing number?
But the very bottom column had only a 1.
If 75 was a passing number, I want to aim a little higher and see if I can get over 79.
I chose to do it again.
However, 70 didn’t appear, only 60 appeared.
Did I fail?
While thinking that, I clicked again.
Will I have to settle for 60?
While in the middle of thinking at that moment I clicked as the number 8 passed in front of me.
That’s 80 just now?
It was 80 right?
It had stopped on the number 19.
I’ll just leave it to nature and do it again.
Sigh. It can’t be helped.
I’m going to turn back and click again.
Though I saw 60 several times, once you see 80, you can’t really stop on a 60.
How much time had passed?
After that, 70 didn’t come up.
I kept clicking reluctantly.
Although I’m tired of waiting for a high number, I continued.
To prevent what I did by mistake, I confirm the number I clicked. After confirming I do it again,
Redo. Confirm. Redo. Confirm. Redo.
Why am I doing this in the first place?
Isn’t a single bonus point good?
Although I thought that, I continued clicking.
If it was going to be like this, stubbornness.
Click again, confirm the numerical value, click again.
At length I continued to click.
Click. Click. Click.
Click. Click. Click.
That number shines like it was gold.
Finally, It’s finally here.
For this to come out, how long did it take?
This number finally came out.
There might be 3 digit numbers above this, but this might be the top number.
When I see that number, I’m flooded with satisfaction.
After fighting for such a long time, I finally reached it.
Like my memories frantically being squeezed out
Every day of hardship, endurance, and despair, were like a fond memory.
After that struggle.
I couldn’t care less about the game.
While feeling satisfied, I continued selecting settings.
After the bonus point setting page, came the character setting page.
There wasn’t any kind of explanation.
Is this supposed to be a browser game?
After getting such a high bonus point value, I felt awkward about stopping now.
I have no choice but to continue.
On the character setting page, there was physical strength, stamina increase, every kind of parameter to set, settings for bonus equipment, magic and skills, and had reached a point where I had to utilize the bonus points.
When I tried to experiment about raising the physical strength to 99, the bonus points became 0.
There was no change in the rest.
In this kind of game, when you raise your parameters you gain benefits, but there are many where you raise your level and your strength doesn’t change.
Should I put points in something else?
How about bonus equipment.
I’ll be able to obtain not less than the strongest equipment in the game?
But I think that only the start will be easy.
It seems that I can use magic.
Warp maybe, Gamma-ray burst.
However, what should I choose?
I was thinking that there was some kind of strategy site for this kind of game, but I didn’t know the name of it.
Despite that, I’m trying this game.
Because the 99 bonus-point appeared, I didn’t feel like doing it all over again.
If there was some kind of gimmick where you have to donate to get a 99, I’d rather just have waited.
What should I do?
Or that I was thinking, I found at the bottom at the last moment the button for character reset.
If you have bonus points you can redo them?
Because this was the character settings page, I think it’s normal that you can redo your character sheet again.
If that’s the case, I can stop worrying about it and think about the appropriate settings.
I clicked the character reset and checked.
It seems like I was able to reuse the bonus points.
Decrease required experience points.
Of course it was necessary
But, there is another skill next to that with increased experience points as well.
Are they different?
For now I chose both.
After checking the box, the bonus points dropped to 97 and the experience points required was cut in half.
The reinforced version of “decrease of required experience points” or should I say, the evolved form.
When I clicked the “decrease of required experience points” again, the bonus points drop to 95 and the rate drops from 1/2 to 1/3.
From 1/3 to 1/5 the points drop to 91. From 1/5 to 1/10 the points drop to 83.
The bonus points decreased all at once.
Apparently, the bonus point requirement doubles every time, 1, 2, 4, 8…
When I clicked on it again 1/10 dropped to 1/20 and the points dropped to 67.
Yep it doubles.
I clicked necessary experience is removed and it became 1/10 again and 83 points. Clicked again and it because 1/5 and 91.
I suppose that I should go for 1/3.
Now I choose the increase experience.
When I clicked it, the bonus points became 90 and the experience doubled.
The same pattern?
I increased it from double to triple, the points became 88.
I increased it from triple to quintuple, the points became 84.
Should I leave it here?
And the others?
I can use this. Without a doubt.
Usually, the job system in games allows the utilization of certain skills and magic
So, If you have a second job you can utilize skills and magic of the second.
The bonus points are mysterious.
If you don’t have bonus points and don’t set the skills what happens to the player?
When I click the second job, the bonus points become 83, and changed to 3rd job.
The same pattern again?
In the beginning there weren’t many jobs you could use.
If I needed a third job I would reset again.
There were settings for the skill of the job at the side.
Are they different?
If I don’t set the job, are they going to put one on for convenience?
I’m going to come again if I have to reset.
Increase MP Recovery and Abbreviated Chanting, were they skills I could use? I don’t know if I’m going to be able to use magic in the beginning, I’ll leave to the reset.
Discount negotiation. Purchase negotiation.
I can reset if I have to buy something later.
This has to be useful in this kind of strategy game.
What should I do?
I’ll leave it for after.
I’m going to ignore the bonus chanting for the time being.
There is Lv99 death, release all MP, is that safe and are there any good spells?
But I’m not going to utilize the release of all HP.
If I say I’m not going to utilize something, I won’t.
I return to the bonus equipment.
If a limited to the beginning only, it’s absolutely necessary for the bonus equipment.
I click on weapons.
The bonus points drop to 82, the weapons change to 2.
Is it the same pattern for the bonus equipment?
I kept clicking to weapons 6, the bonus points drop to 20, it became a blurred character.
So far so good.
Now I clicked the accessory bonus twice the bonus points become 17.
Then, I clicked necessary experience to 1/5 (9 bonus points).
Remaining bonus points is 1.
Appraisal? Chanting bonus? Or maybe bonus equip?
I clicked this at the end.
With that I used all my bonus points.
The selection is finalized and, the character setting is finished.
The screen changed.
You have elected to abandon this world and live in another.
It is not possible for you to return.
Do you wish to continue?
What is this? This isn’t the account billing section.
If it’s not the billing section then I don’t care.
I clicked yes.
It is really not possible to return.
Do you still wish to continue?
How persistent. I clicked yes.
I think that might have really been a dangerous message…maybe…its……
Without stopping to think calmly, like my consciousnesses was being sucked away, it disappeared far away.