So I have died yet again.

And yet again, I am enveloped in darkness. Whenever I die, I always return here in the dark. I see nothing and I feel nothing. I do not have a body as well, so I cannot even move.

It’s like I turned into a spirit.

I guess spirit is fitting since I have died and all.

I wonder why people are scared of death. I know that it is painful to die, but still, once you get past that, there’s just endless nothingness.

Now that I think about it, they don’t know what happens after death… and apparently, so do I. I do not know what happens to people, other than me, when they die.

I think they’re scared of the unknown. I have to admit though, as a person who knows almost everything, the things not known to me are pretty scary.

People have always been scared of the unknown. Ever since the dawn of time, humans are cowards. And because humans are cowards, they survive. Because humans were scared of the dark, they made fire and illuminated the dark world.  Because the Europeans were afraid of sailing west, they ventured east; they made their way to Asia and brought back great treasures.

But it’s not good to always be scared. If it is like that, if you are always afraid of everything and anything, you will never enjoy life. You will end up sheltering yourself from everything, being in constant fear. Still, I have never encountered a person like that in all the worlds I have been to. Well, there are similar cases, like NEETs (Not in Education, Employment or Training) but NEETs are just mild cases of adolescents running away from reality.

“Yes, you’re scared, but one must make a leap of faith to progress, no?” I already forgot who said those words to me, but I remember them clearly. Take a leap of faith, like how Ferdinand Magellan and Christopher Columbus did when they sailed west, towards unknown waters, and everyone told them that they will sail right off the face of the Earth if they continue. But no, Magellan circumnavigated the world, proving that the Earth is round, and Columbus found the land of the free, America (he named it New World at the time). And like how that game where the player has to make leaps of faith off high structures to lose his pursuers.

While I was contemplating some trivial things, there was a sudden burst of light which interrupted my thoughts and pulled my consciousness towards it.

This happens every time. And each time, a huge wave of discomfort goes through me as I look at the light. I do not know the reason of this.

I am surrounded by the light.

Then a sense of freedom, as if there was something wrapped around me suddenly disappeared.

“Uwaaah…!”

It’s the same pattern.

“Uwaaah…!”

It’s the same.

“Uwaaah…!”

Always.

“xxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxxxxx, xxxxx.” (unknown 1)

And as always, I reincarnate into a baby in a different world.

“xxxxxxx. Xxxxxxxxx, xxxxx.” (unknown 2)

“xxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxx.” (unknown 1)

A different world, with a different language.

The first thing I have to learn is how to speak and understand letters.

But right now, I feel extremely sleepy. I’ll rest for now…

{         }

I woke up.

I’m hungry.

Someone feed me. So I cry out.

“Uwaaah…!”

I hear footsteps, but I cannot see anything. My eyes are blurry - a baby’s vision.

I am being carried, and probably taken to my food source, my mother’s chest.

Time to eat.

…after that, I slept again.

{         }

It’s been a few months since I reincarnated for probably the millionth time.

I can see things now.

Ah right, I’ve reincarnated as a female.

There’s no problem with this, since I’ve already reincarnated as a female a number of times before.

I have already forgotten what my original gender was and I have also become able to love people of both genders. Though those lovers were only chosen either on a whim or out of necessity.

Anyways, the family I have reincarnated into seems to be a rich one. My parents are probably nobles of a kingdom.

I don’t care about being a noble.

I live however I want and no one can stop me from doing so.

And right now, I am being carried by my mother. She is a pretty woman, with brown hair and blue eyes. Although she is my mother, she looks young; about 19 or 21 years old. I like my mom; she seems like a nice person. Perhaps I will grow up to look like her in the future. I hope so. Her name is Katie Vaanderwal, and mine is Katya.

Anyways, Mother is carrying me in a place that looks like a ballroom and it’s noisy. It must be a party.

There are other women surrounding Mother and me. I think Mother is showing off her first born child.

“Oh, she is so cute!” (woman 1)

“She looks just like you. You know, when she grows up, you might look like sisters instead of mother and daughter.” (woman 2)

Ah yes. I have already learned the language of this world a week ago, but I have yet to learn how to read since I have not gotten my hands on any books. I’ll go take a look if there is a library in this house when I am able to crawl.

“I think so too.” (woman 3)

“Yeah, but…” (woman 4)

“What is it?” (woman 1)

“She looks a bit… cold, don’t you think? (woman 4)

“Yeah, now that you mention it…” (woman 1)

“Hey now, don’t be rude. Now’s not the time to speak of such things right in front of me. It’s a party, a celebration for the wonderful child that I have given birth to.” (Mother)

“Right, right, my bad. Well, cheers then. To Katya!” (woman 2)

The four women then held up their glasses of wine or juice and clinked them as is tradition.

Women are so annoying.

Let’s go to sleep.

“Ah, she’s sleeping!” (woman 3)

{         }

A year passed and I am now a year old.

I’ve gained the ability to walk now. I have also learned how to read. I spend most of my time reading in the mansion’s library, in which I am right now.

Ah, yes. It turns out that I am the daughter of a Duke, from the house of the Vaanderwals. My Father, Luke Vaanderwal, is the head of the family. Father works as the Head of the Finance Ministry. He’s quite successful, that man. He must get all the ladies.

From the moment I met him, when I was a baby, he doted on me often enough that just looking at his face made me sick. Every time he comes home from work, he comes to me immediately and, as he says, proceeds to “give me baby girl some love”.

“Katya, Father is back from work!” (Father)

Oh, god.

“Welcome back, Father.” (Katya)

Well, he is my father. I should greet him politely.

“Yeah, Father’s back. Did you miss me?” (Father)

Father hugs me tightly as he says this. Please stop.

“Yes, yes. I love Father and I miss him whenever he leaves. Please don’t leave anymore.” (Katya)

I say in monotone.

 “Oh, come on. Father has work and your Mother is always around to play with you.” (Father)

Father has this stupid face on. He’s stupid, but he amuses me.

“Okay~” (Katya)

“But you still love Father, right? Right…?” (Father)

“Of course. I love you” (Katya)

Like a clown.

“Ehehe~” (Father)

He’s disgusting, but he makes me laugh.

“Well, anyways, Katya.” (Father)

“Yes, Father?” (Katya)

“Do you want to go to school?” (Father)

Ah, school, the bane of my existence. The one thing that haunts me everywhere I go.

“Well, even if you say no, you’re still going…” (Father)

Ah, crap.

“…well, okay then.” (Katya)

“Oh, but not right now. When you’re three, you’ll be sent to a preparatory school. After that there is this thing called ‘Elementary School’ and then ‘High School’ and maybe ‘University’.” (Father)

Ehhhh… so long… ah, whatever.

“Okay. I understand, Father.” (Katya)

School, huh…

I already know most things due to my past memories and experiences and through reading books in the library.

It’s tiresome, but I guess I’ll endure it for now. I can just quit if I want to.

{Chapter End}

I'm really sorry for the late update, real life probs. 

[Edited version 21st of November 2016]