My name is Kiba Yuuto, and I am a second year high school student at Kuoh Academy.
Normally, it would have been our main character, Hyoudou Issei, narrating…. However, Issei-kun has caught a serious illness so this time, I will be narrating instead.
And that illness is…
“Don’t say improper things such as tits!”
……..Issei-kun’s brain has gone haywire………
It happened one day after school. The members of our Occult Research Club and I were gathered in our club room and were talking to each other.
We have a secret that we can’t tell the other students. That secret is the fact that we are actually devils. We were gathered around by our “King”, Buchou of the Occult Research Club and our senpai, Rias Gremory-Buchou, in order to have a discussion on the upcoming month.
“Compared to last month, our contract rate has gone down slightly, especially with middle age people and the elderly. I would therefore like everyone to keep that in mind.”
Rias-Buchou said while reading the data from our files.
My kohai, Toujou Koneko said with her hand up,
“…..I saw on television that some electronic stores build a great relationship with the elderly population, so although they don’t have as much price cuts as the other stores, they are still doing better than other electronic stores. They even managed to open more stores because of that.”
“What this means is that having a good relationship with humans is very important. It is easy to forget essential things like that when you are doing a Devil’s work.”
Our dark pony-tailed senpai and Fukubuchou, Himejima Akeno-san said after hearing Koneko-chan.
A Devil’s work consists of granting a human’s wish, in exchange for something equivalent. Nowadays, it is rare to find someone who’s willing to give up their lives, but greedy people always exist in this world. Thanks to that, we Devils can continue to work.
Young Devils such as us gather around and give our opinions on how to improve our contract rate frequently.
“I don’t know if I can build any relationships with humans….”
Our cross-dressing kohai who looks like a bishoujo, Gasper-kun, made an uncomfortable face. For someone who can’t communicate well with people he doesn't know, it might be too challenging.
I looked at the clock on the wall. Buchou seems to have the same thought as me as she kept looking at her watch with a worried expression.
“…….They are late. What is Ise doing at this time?”
Yes, not only Issei-kun but his classmates, Asia-chan, Xenovia-chan and Irina-chan were also not here as well. I'm in same year as they are but my class finished already. Their class shouldn't be delayed this late….
Suddenly, the sound of a large footstep shocked the entire building, and that sound was coming nearer and nearer towards us with tremendous speed.
Three girls each with pale faces burst into our club room loudly.
The three girls were golden haired Asia-chan, partially dyed hair Xenovia-chan and twin pony- tailed Irina-chan. Asia-chan and Xenovia-chan are both are devils just like us, whereas Irina-chan is an angel. It’s true, everyone!
All three look perplexed. What happened? Actually, where is Issei-kun? Normally those four would arrive together.
“R-R-Rias Onee-sama! It’s an emergency!”
Asia-chan shouted with tears in her eyes. Rias-Buchou realized something must have happened and walked towards the three girls.
“It’s alright, calm down Asia. What happened? Where is Ise?”
Xenovia closed her eyes and looked towards the ceiling, pointing at the corridor.
“……..he became weird.”
She said in very small voice.
Became weird? What does that mean?
Irina-chan made a pose like she was going to pray and walked towards the window. Immediately, she started to pray.
When Rias-Buchou looked toward the corridor, a guy came into the club room. It was Issei-kun.
……What happened to him? He doesn’t look that different on the outside….Hyoudou Issei-kun, my comrade and my only friend. He is a hard working type and does everything seriously. His flaw however is that he’s a big pervert, always thinking about something erotic. He loves breasts so much that whenever he meets female members, he would look at their breasts first.
His dream is to become High Class Devil and make a harem. He’s working hard to make his dream come true and he loves girls more than anything else.
That Issei-kun made a bright smile and said,
“Rias-Buchou, there is nothing wrong with me.”
Wai…wait? Did Issei-kun refer to himself in a polite manner? 1 That’s weird, did I hear it wrong?
Buchou also realized that Issei-kun was acting weird, so she followed Issei’s eyes to see where he was looking at.
Then she exclaimed,
“Ise isn’t looking at my breasts!”
When we heard that, everyone was surprised.
To Issei-kun, Buchou’s breasts are something so dear that he would never take his eyes off them. Issei-kun himself said this.
---Kiba, listen to me. Buchou’s breasts, for me, define where I came from as well as where I should return. They never get old. Did you know? Buchou’s nipples feel different from each other.
When we were at a park, during sun set, he said that as we were discussing our dreams. I thought of slapping him for that and even if I did, he couldn't say anything at all.
But he had such a bright smile. His smile was shining around his face when he said that. He was always thinking about Buchou’s breasts.
Akeno-senpai went up to him and grabbed his hands. Then suddenly…..she put his hands on her breasts.
“Wha….What are you doing?! Don’t do such indecent things!”
Issei-kun pulled his hands out and made an embarrassed expression!
No way! How can this happen?!
Issei-kun was embarrassed to touch a girl’s breasts! What just happened!?!
Issei-kun worshipped Akeno-senpai’s large breasts. Even called them gods! Sometimes he even says, “Thank you, thank you” towards them! Whenever he saw Akeno-senpai in P.E class with her jiggling breasts, he even cried in happiness and bowed down toward them! He was so enthusiastic whenever her breasts jiggled!
He always said that the only valley that is comparable to the Grand Canyon in America is either the cleavage of Rias-Buchou or Akeno-senpai!
Akeno-senpai looks like she is shaken by Issei-kun’s reaction.
“Ise-kun didn't grab onto my tits…. No way….”
It looks like she was so shocked that she couldn't even walk straight anymore.
Issei-kun reddened his face and shouted
“Girls shouldn't say indecent things like ‘tits’!”
I couldn't stop my tears from coming out.
Hello everyone, it looks like Issei-kun has caught an illness. And it’s a very terrible illness….
“Please explain what has happened.”
Rias-Buchou asked Asia, Xenovia and Irina-chan after sitting them on the sofa.
Calming themselves with tea given by Akeno-senpai, they started talking while wiping their tears from their eyes.
It happened while they were on their way to the club room after school.
Issei-kun noticed an unidentified object floating in the sky. Others who noticed the object were also looking at it in curiosity. Just then…
“That unidentified object flew towards Issei-kun and fired a beam toward him. When Asia-chan healed Issei-kun with her powers….”
“Ise-san, are you alright?”
“…yes I’m fine Asia-chan, it looks like today is peaceful too. I wish everyone living on Earth could be happy hehehe.”<-saying that with a bright smile and having a pair of clear eyes.
“He has lost interest in women completely…….. ah and also, the UFO looked like Adamski UFO…..”2
Asia-chan explained while wiping her tears.
… My goodness, this is a disaster. I don’t know what to say any more!
UFO? Hit by beam fired by UFO? Well, Angels and Devils do exist so it won’t be weird if aliens do exist as well…. Even so, this is troublesome. We are the Occult Research Group so shouldn't we be happy that we found a UFO? This is nonetheless unexpected.
Issei-kun, I know you are the type who gets into trouble a lot but I didn’t expect you to be attacked by aliens…
Everyone turned their gaze towards Issei-kun who was sitting in the corner of the room.
Issei-kun was… writing a thousand ways to save the world in his note.
Koneko-chan approached him and asked
“….What are you writing senpai?”
“Ah! Koneko-chan! I’m just writing down methods to make people in this world happy! How about you Koneko-chan? Let’s do our best to make our world….”
Koneko-chan started to beat Issei-kun up before he had the chance to continue what he was saying. Judging by the sound, she put a spin to her punch to make it more powerful.
Issei-kun was smiling even though he was having a nosebleed.
“That’s a good punch! But that hurts a bit!”
“….I thought he would be cured if I hit his head…. Issei-senpai, which one do you prefer, the breasts of Rias-Buchou or Akeno-senpai?”
“Wha? What are you saying Koneko-chan?! An innocent person like you shouldn’t be saying such an erotic….”
This time again, Koneko-chan didn’t give Issei-kun a chance to finish his sentence and punched his face, and pushed her fist into his face further.
“….Issei-senpai does not say things like that.”
“Kon…Koneko-chan! S-Stop it! Girls should be on top of….”
“….Issei-senpai does not say things like that.”
“I-I get it! I’ll be your fighting partner! And then you will become world’s best MMA fighter! And we can go for world peace from….”
I couldn’t even figure out what was being broken at this point. But even so, Koneko-chan tried to cure Issei-kun. By punching him.
I said to Koneko-chan who was still beating up Issei-kun in a mount position.
“Umm, Koneko-chan. Can’t you say that Issei-kun became normal? Koneko-chan did hate Issei-kun being openly perverted right? You did say you wanted him to be less perverted in a way.”
That is correct. Koneko-chan always punched Issei-kun when he was doing anything perverted.
“Issei-senpai, please refrain yourself.”
Saying things like that.
Shouldn’t this situation be something Koneko-chan wanted? I thought to myself…
However, Koneko-chan had tears in her eyes and said.
“...I don’t...want him to lose interest in me too….”
That's right. As a woman in love, her feelings must be very complicated.
“What do Rias-Buchou and Akeno-senpai think about this situation?”
After hearing my question, those two looked at each other.
“I always wanted him to be more sensible from the beginning, and he became more like a gentlemen but….”
“He is still lovely but…. I guess it is a bit of a shame……..”
“I think the Ise who looked at us as women passionately is the best.”
“Yes. That way, it’s more fun and worthwhile to become more womanly.”
Even though these two fought over Issei-kun all the time, in a situation like this, their view was the same.
“Ise, right now isn’t fun at all.”
“Ise-kun who’s not perverted is like, how should I say, eel rice without an eel in it.”
Xenovia-chan complained, and Irina-chan made a weird analogy.
“Ise-san is Ise-san. Even if he stays like this forever, I will stay by his side. But to be honest, I prefer the previous Ise-san.”
Even Asia-chan, who has the most faith in Issei-kun, wanted the old Issei-kun back.
Opinions of those who love him are the same. Now the question is, how can we turn him back….?
Fastest way might be to catch that UFO…
“I think everyone’s opinion is the same. What shall we do now?”
I asked everyone.
“I guess I have no choice. I’ll go and catch the UFO that caused all this.”
Xenovia grabbed a bug catching net as well as her sword. Is she thinking of catching a UFO with those equipment? Nevertheless if it’s Xenovia, I have a feeling she has good chance of doing so.
“You… You think you can do it…?”
“Don’t worry Kiba. I was thinking for a while. Aren’t we more amazing than aliens in terms of what we are?”
Xenovia said that with a serious look on her face.
T-That might be true….Devils, Angels, Yokais, Vampires, etc. our existence is like a fantasy itself. So if we put it that way, it wouldn’t be surprising if there are aliens out there.
But Xenovia, aren’t aliens and us a bit different?
“OK! Gasper, let’s go!”
Gasper-kun was surprised at Xenovia’s words as he probably never would have thought that he would be chosen.
“Wh…why…why do you need me to catch aliens????”
Xenovia was tying Gasper-kun down like she wasn’t going to let Gasper escape and said,
“Your eyes can stop time, so you can stop the flying UFO with your eyes.”
Ah ha, Gasper-kun has the ability to stop time for whatever he sees so she is thinking of stopping the flying object with his ability. But aren’t UFOs quite fast? I wonder if it will go as planned…
Xenovia shouldered Gasper, who was immobilised with a rope and said to Irina.
“Irina, you too! Let’s go and exorcise the heathens called aliens!”
Irina-chan nodded her head strongly after hearing this… wait, considering aliens as heathens are a bit….