Last time on New Testament – A Certain Magical Index!!
After somehow managing to escape the threat of the High Priest (an old man mummy and Magic God) and returning alive to the student dorm, a small cardboard box broke open and Magic God Nephthys popped out. (Yes, all of this actually happened.)
Inside his twilit dorm room, Kamijou Touma was obediently seated on the wooden flooring.
The Arrowhead Comet aka the High Priest’s final attack had caused a lot of damage. The broken window out to the balcony was covered by a plastic sheet as a stopgap measure, but the December chill was still getting in. The High Priest had truly been an unforgivable old man whose high spirits were still causing Kamijou trouble even now.
Inside that chilly room, two figures struck intimidating poses in front of the boy. One was Index, the silver-haired nun wearing a teacup-like white habit with golden stitching, and the other was Othinus, a fifteen centimeter Magic God.
“Touma, why are you still bringing in new freeloaders? Can you really take care of this many!? Aren’t you always complaining that this month’s budget is at its limit!?”
“Y’know, I really don’t think it’s fair to get mad at me for this one. Nephthys shipped herself here in a package! Not even I know what that’s all about!!”
Everyone there except Kamijou was a freeloader (including the cat). Othinus gave him a look that said “I don’t want to hear that from you”. She had recently realized the cat would not attack her if its stomach was full, so she kicked over the box of pet food to cover the floor with some crunchy chaff.
All she accomplished was covering herself in food and getting attacked all the faster, but Index and Nephthys did not seem to care. They more innocently interpreted it as the cold cat wanting to use the fifteen centimeter girl as a source of heat.
“As I already said, this is a problem for all of you too,” said Nephthys as she struggled to get up with sweat covering her body. “Kamisato Kakeru has shown up. …If that World Rejecter holds the power to destroy all Magic Gods, your Othinus won’t escape unharmed.”
She was probably trying to be one hundred percent serious, but the horrors of interpretation meant the others only saw a brown beauty whose naked body was covered only by bandages as she got up on all fours in a leopardess pose.
The corners of Index’s eyes rose sharply.
When Kamijou saw the dangerous canine teeth visible in her adorable mouth, he felt all his hair stand on end.
“I’m pretty sure this goes beyond misfortune and counts as just plain unreasonable!”
“Then, Touma, can you swear to god that your thoughts are entirely pure right now?”
Averting his gaze and clearing his throat proved to be a poor choice.
He saw an illusion of a thumb flicking up the safety cover on a fighter jet’s control column.
“Eeeeeek! I have to face this without a save point or a night at the inn after that crazy-hard High Priest battle!?”
“What’s going to happen to our food if you keep bringing in new freeloaders!? What about tonight’s dinner for example!? I’m not gonna let you take a piece of food away from everyone else to feed the new girrrrrrrrrrlllllllll!!”
“That’s what this is all about!!!???”
Finally finding a way to fight back on the psychological front, Kamijou slid to the side without getting up from his seated position. This did a splendid job of dodging Index’s attack.
Yes, Kamijou Touma was quite capable when he put his mind to it.
It was enough to handle World War Three if need be.
“I won’t lend you my hand, Index. If you’re a capable girl, then stand on your own two feet.”
Still, it was evening. Kamijou was too exhausted to want to do any kind of housework, but no food would show up if no one did anything.
“Listen, Index. When things get tough, we just have to rely on the tried-and-true hotpot. The cost per person drops the more people you have and it facilitates conversation since everyone eats from the same pot! I don’t know what brought Nephthys here, but it’s obvious ignoring it would be a bad idea. Besides, I’m about to freeze here! Why did the window have to break during December!? Just how much of a pain in the ass are you, High Priest!? So let’s do this! Let’s gather everything we’ve got to make some random hotpot!!”
“I won’t let you just make ‘some random’ thing! You only get three meals a day, so you have to put your body and soul into making each one!!”
“Then how about you start making them, Index!?”
Kamijou shouted back with this already pointy hair standing further on end.
When he arrived in front of the fridge, Othinus spoke up while being assaulted by the cat’s rough tongue.
“Do you really have the ingredients for a hotpot, or anything else for that matter?”
“Don’t underestimate the cheap meals of a student, Othinus. If I wanted to, I could turn some scraps of pork and a cabbage core into a delicious-…”
He trailed off as soon as he opened the fridge.
He was dumbfounded by what he saw inside.
“What is it, Touma?”
“I distinctly remember stocking up at that sale three days ago. So why is there nothing but soy sauce and miso in the fridge?”
Averting her gaze and clearing her throat proved to be a poor choice.
Kamijou Touma felt like a narrow circuit in his head had just fried.